Counsellors – are you an Innie or an Outie?
I read a study once that found that Counsellors fell into the more Introverted range of personality traits. Is that surprising?
I was interested, so I did a little poll on LinkedIn directed at people in the profession, and the results are in.
The vast majority of you lovely counsellors and psychotherapists who responded felt that you wriggled around on the long bench that is the spectrum of Introverted and Extroverted traits.
Interesting! Because I feel that too and yet it’s also confusing – I’m sure I was born an Innie, I’m sure I’m more my Innie self in the Therapy room, I wonder if that’s the same for you.
When I was young, all the signs were there that I was a dyed in the wool Innie.
The Evidence.
If you have spent time around babies, perhaps you’ve noticed the Innie babies, gazing mid-air, seemingly somewhere deep inside the thoughts of their forming brains exploring themselves and how they feel. Meanwhile, their Outie counterpart is more likely deeply in the coos and babble of early conversation with the family dog, their favourite stuffed rabbit, their sibling or even their own foot!
The Outie simply adores a good chat and connection, connection, connection.
Clearly, they didn’t have these in my day.
As a baby, I was happy, content and undemanding, the perfect baby for a busy mum of three. So undemanding, I got left outside the occasional shop in my pram while Mum headed off home with her shopping. No biggie in those days to see prams outside the shops, and I wasn’t any worse for wear because of it. And now Mum’s absent-mindedness remains in family folklore that has us all falling about laughing when we remember it.
My lovely Lancashire mother wasn’t into too much introspection and would try and encourage me as I grew to be a little less of a thinker. Stop contemplating your navel Lois and get on with it. She’d say. Easier said than done to this Innie, where navel-gazing came as natural, or should I say as essential, to me as breathing
Mum wasn’t the only one who thought I should be getting on with it. I grew up with a genuinely huge gang of ready playmates, though I don’t remember us being so brightly dressed, nevertheless there was always someone to pull me out of my daydreams and drag me off to play.
But I knew when enough was enough for me, and I sneak off back home for some quiet time and recharge, while my Outie playmates, so exhilarated by the lovely social time they’d had, had to be tracked down by their mothers and marched off home at teatime, with much protesting and dragging their feet.
Maybe the clues are there in childhood. Did you sneak off home like me, or were your playtimes always cut off short?
I wonder if we are born a little more fixed in our natures and refine our abilities to wriggle up and down the bench as we mature. I enjoy being social; I want the challenge of public speaking; I think the role of Counsellor is the most rewarding work I have ever had. All of these options I take up in my life are not necessarily the easiest path that panders to my Innie vibe.
How do we uncover our nature with this long bench to wiggle on and ways of being that overlap?
Are you an Innie or Outie?
I think it’s all about how we recharge. I believe Outies have an inbuilt dynamo battery that powers their light; you know, the type fixed on pushbikes. The more distance they ride with the pack, the brighter their light shines, the closer they ride together, the more energy they save from slipstreaming.
On the other hand, Innies might, but not necessarily, enjoy the pack pace for a while but then revert to their preferred speed, stop and smell the flowers, and rely on returning to a quiet place to plug in and recharge the lights.
So how does the work of Counsellor stack up for those who sit more often on the Innie side of the bench.? Does it leave them drained and in need of a quiet socket to plug into when the client has gone?
I think about it like this. Maybe it’s your Innie traits that love to dive deeply into a book, an active reader that enters a form of relationship with the author, pondering the meaning and nuances of the text, whether that is fiction, philosophy, psychology or whatever. This pondering is a way of recharging our Innie selves, and it can be our most go-to restoration station.
Similarly, the Innie’s ability to immerse themselves in their client’s world, walk in their shoes, ponder their struggles is not a draining experience; this is not small talk. The very act of the Innies deep consideration is itself energising and restful, giving endurance and stamina – it is the superpower of the Innie side of our natures when we do this work.
So is it essential to know if we are an Innie or an Outie, mmm maybe? But more important is the knowledge about how and what we need to do to recharge.
Ask yourself, how do you recharge?
Is your preference is to head for the next meet-up to bathe in the warm embrace of your besties? Do you recharge by heading off to the tub for warm water and a bit of solitude? Then perhaps you have your answer.
Whichever it is Vive la difference!
With Love
Lois Marshall
Putting the kettle on at The Trusty Teapot
I hope you enjoyed this article. I hope you found it entertaining, helpful, if it points you to ways to better recharge, and possibly something of a conversation starter. Of course, it would be good to discuss these things with a fellow Counsellor or Psychotherapist. But historically, we’ve not been that good at getting it together. And so The Trusty Teapot has opened its doors.
The Trusty Teapot creating a conversation bridge between Counsellors and Psychotherapist of all specialisms, cultures, genders, modalities, races and ages
The Trusty Teapot is a groundbreaking venture born of love and care for the profession. Have you ever thought about what it is those two words Fellowship and Camaraderie describe?
They are feelings, The feeling of Fellowship and the feeling of Camaraderie. They have underpinning feelings, these include;
Joy, Warmth, Connection, Thankfulness, Nurtured, Valuable, Understood, Cheerful, Stimulated, Informed, Playful, Generous, Energised, Serene, Daring, Responsive, friendliness, I could go on and on and on.
If you decide to join, you can look forward to receiving details of all the other lovely Counsellors and Psychotherapists who are as keen to meet up for Fellowship and Camaraderie as you are.
Sign up to the mailing list below, and I will personally send you further details on joining us.