Articles – The Trusty Teapot

May 28, 2021May 28, 2021

Therapists, it’s Friday at last, how do you wash up the working week and enjoy your weekend?

Wow, it’s Friday again already. Is Friday your last day of the week? Hopefully, it is.

How was your week? Did it fly by, or was it one full of struggles that had you wondering if Friday would ever arrive? Well, it has, and soon you will have two full days to unwind, turn your attention to yourself, your family, your hobbies and whatever else inspires and nourishes you. Or maybe not.

Do you find the week and weekend are the same? Is your work with clients perhaps taking up too much of your headspace while you maybe should be having downtime?

I’ve been thinking about how we approach the end-of-day on Fridays. How do you wash-up everything that has happened over the last week? What is your transition style from ‘the work’ to the ‘not working’ headspace?

I have had a few modes over the years of managing, or not, the end of the working week, and I can sum them up in these four modes.

Mode 1 The Busy Parent.

As I walked out of the therapy room, I would get pulled almost immediately into the needs of a growing family—chauffeur, cook, referee and mum. Family needs can be a mighty pull. There often seemed not much choice but to swop hats immediately and get stuck into family life. But in reality, in my head, the content of the week was still too present, popping up while stirring the spag-bol or on a family walk. Some of those thoughts were perhaps inspirational and helpful – but how many of those thoughts were still floating around because I hadn’t put them away?

It struck me that if I were self-employed in a trade, I would arrive home in the van, spend an hour cleaning up and putting away my tools, and the family would get used to this being a part of my working day.

Eventually, I deployed a routine to give me a chance to wash up my mental tools and put them away. I made a physical ritual, one the family could see. My reference books and any items I’d used in the therapy room, I unpacked and put away. I made some journal notes, got out of my work outfit and did some stretches. Of course, all this outward activity was a smokescreen; the real wash-up was happening on the inside. As I let the content of the week slide gently into a safe part of my mind, a storage room of sorts, I’d dim the light in the room and leave the door just ajar enough so I’d notice anything significant – but not too much to let it all float out until Monday.

Mode 2 – The Empty Nester – Social Butterfly.

The kids were gone. Being able to be much more social softened the experience of the surplus empty bedrooms. Indeed, there is nothing quite like that second flush of freedom once the offspring have sprung off. There seems so much time to fit in all the things I always dreamed of doing if only I had more time.

Ah! the freedom of meeting friends after work on a Friday. A little casual supper and a chance to catch up on the events of the week, the latest problems and catastrophes are de-rigueur amongst close friends, an opportunity to sound off about the issues and problems at work. It is the balm at the end of a tough week for most.

But there is a snag – isn’t there always? Being professionally bound to keep tight-lipped about my work, I’d sit there, soaking up the stresses of my dearly loved friends. Did I get quite the same de-stressing effect as they did from the evening? Quite possibly not.

I discovered what worked for me was to make sure I was de-stressed before hitting the social scene. Not sharing my work with my friends was never going change, so I decided to suck it up and accept it. I took the opportunity to close the week for myself, file away the content of the week, whats gone well, what have I learned. I de-stress, making sure my playtime is just that, free time to play.

Mode 3 – The Homebody.

Grateful to get home, kick off my shoes, feel the bliss and chill. Maybe a glass of wine and my current read. Put on a box set or blast on the music and smash the housework or some project. These are all ways I sometimes choose to relax.

But my homebody routine is an immediate dive into major distraction until bedtime and perhaps that leaves it to my dreamtime to sort out the week for me while I sleep?

Well, maybe it works for some.

Is that best use of the marvellous, mysterious journeys we go on when we’re asleep though?

Maybe our Dreamtime is meant for our stuff; we should selfishly keep it for ourselves.

So to wash-up this little article I’d say find your own way to wash-up on Fridays.

You need to take care of You.

You are your most important tool after all.

With love

Lois

Putting the kettle on at The Trusty Teapot

I hope you enjoyed this article. I hope you found it entertaining, helpful, if it points you to ways to better recharge, and possibly something of a conversation starter. Of course, it would be good to discuss these things with a fellow Counsellor or Psychotherapist. But historically, we’ve not been that good at getting it together. And so The Trusty Teapot has opened its doors.

The Trusty Teapot creating a conversation bridge between Counsellors and Psychotherapist of all specialisms, cultures, genders, modalities, races and ages

The Trusty Teapot is a groundbreaking venture born of love and care for the profession. Have you ever thought about what it is those two words Fellowship and Camaraderie describe?

They are feelings, The feeling of Fellowship and the feeling of Camaraderie. They have underpinning feelings, these include;

Joy, Warmth, Connection, Thankfulness, Nurtured, Valuable, Understood, Cheerful, Stimulated, Informed, Playful, Generous, Energised, Serene, Daring, Responsive, friendliness, I could go on and on and on.

If you decide to join, you can look forward to receiving details of all the other lovely Counsellors and Psychotherapists who are as keen to meet up for Fellowship and Camaraderie as you are.

July 6, 2021July 6, 2021

Counsellors and psychotherapists – there’s a village in your head!

Who remembers Gladys Knight and her song ‘Walk in my shoes.’

Walk in my shoes

This hurt inside is too much for me

Just walk in my shoes

You’ll see I want the love that used to be

Try on my heartache

Go ahead and try it on for size

Just walk in my shoes

Then you’ll see the hurt through someone else’s eyes

Glady’s Knight sang of the heartfelt desire to have, in this case, someone she loves, see how their rejection has made her feel. It’s dramatic stuff and a great song.

No wonder it’s an all-time classic.

In the counselling room we strive to slip out of our footwear and walk a mile or more in the shoes of our clients, or at the very least fall in step with them so that they hardly feel our presence walking beside them while they tell their stories.

What journeys we have had as we have walked in the shoes of our clients

We have walked through the dark and challenging places our clients have passed. We are also shown the gentler images from their memories.

We’ve walked the long winding journey back home from school. We’ve met their family, friends and neighbours, teachers and work colleagues. We’ve seen their special places, a tree in their grandparents’ garden where they used to dream, an oasis from happier times.

These are the details, the stories of our clients’ lives, how we orientate ourselves in their internal village and the people that populate it, and it’s how we fall into step with them as they lead us.

On the walk, their struggles are revealed, moments when their dreams are shattered or perhaps when life began to feel less safe for them;

‘It happened on the corner – I’d walked around it a hundred times.’

‘This is where we met.’

‘I was in the corner shop when I heard the news.’

This subtle content helps us see what they see when they take us back to their memories. Their memories become our memories; we hold them, give the stories our focus as we reflect on each session’s content and process, then lock away our notes, but it’s not like putting down a novel for the day; our minds go on. Whether we are aware or not, our minds continue incorporating and mulling on our clients’ memories and filing them away with our own.

I hold memories of people important to my clients, people so well described I remember them quite naturally, fluidly. They don’t jar against the rich and vast memories I hold of my own life and my people, where they came from, how their lives flowed. It seems incredible that I can hold so many memories, that we all can.

Do you ever worry or puzzle over how you manage to hold all this content, the details of other people's lives? And just how long can you continue absorbing all of this content before you blow?

Counsellors, we know what we need to do around self-care, so I shan’t repeat that here.

But we also know that no one can avoid the daily bombardment of sensationalised, and usually bad, global news.

Audiences numbed or suffering empathy overload and stress are common reactions to the suffering of peoples they have never met and can’t reach to assist.

Hands up who has felt helpless and hopeless at a news item and the tears just fall down your face?

So how do we counsellors hold so much of our clients’ content and keep it all together so well the majority of the time? Are we in danger of being emotionally damaged?

The dangers to counsellors of overload, vicarious trauma, desensitisation and other emotional injuries are real, and while I believe we have to be self-aware of the possibility of suffering in this way and seek support if you feel the need,

I believe we do not need to be too fearful.

We can do this work, in the main safely, because knowing about and storing the details of people’s lives comes naturally to us, simply because we are human.

As an evolutionally part of being human, our village mind is another one of our superpowers.

Go back centuries and most of our forebears will have lived in small communities, with perhaps just several hundred families or less, these people, our people, had most likely lived in the same community for generations. The family histories and times of hardship, tragedy and joy would have been experienced and shared amongst the inhabitants, everyone knew something about everyone else, either first-hand or over the cottage garden wall.

I write this as a bit of reassurance – if you have ever wondered, as I have, where did all the details of your client’s lives go, or feared that one day the internal filing cabinet of other peoples memories would burst open and create mayhem in your memory banks. Have little fear.

As a human you are perfectly designed to live in a village of hundreds of families, knowing details of generations before, the struggles of the present and hopes and dreams for the future, you can carry that village with you wherever you go, and it will not be a burden. And as you meet each of your clients, they are as a member of that village, and you of theirs.

And when the therapy is over, you may never meet again, but tucked away in your village mind they will never be forgotten, and I seriously suspect, never will you.

Motown Alert

Do go on iTunes or Spotify, maybe crack open that cassette or dust off that 7″ black vinyl and enjoy that Gladys Knight classic.

I couldn’t resist a sing along every time I reviewed this post before I threw it out for reading. Indulge in a bit of bedroom dancing – and hairbrush singing.

Fantastic.

Have a great week.

Lois

This conversational article was written for Counsellors and Psychotherapists who feel they could do with more Fellowship, Camaraderie and Friendship in their professional lives.

The Trusty Teapot aims to end the professional isolation that is felt particularly in this profession. Visit the Webpage to find out more.

Or join our mailing list on the form below for details on how to join in the fun.

If you have something to share or comment on this article, feel free to comment on The Trusty Teapot company Linkedin page here or email me at

Lois@thetrustyteapot.org.

Lois

Putting the kettle on at The Trusty Teapot

May 22, 2021May 23, 2021

Counsellors and Psychotherapists – are you an Innie or an Outie – or do you wiggle on the bench?

Counsellors – are you an Innie or an Outie?

I read a study once that found that Counsellors fell into the more Introverted range of personality traits. Is that surprising?

I was interested, so I did a little poll on LinkedIn directed at people in the profession, and the results are in.

The vast majority of you lovely counsellors and psychotherapists who responded felt that you wriggled around on the long bench that is the spectrum of Introverted and Extroverted traits.

Interesting! Because I feel that too and yet it’s also confusing – I’m sure I was born an Innie, I’m sure I’m more my Innie self in the Therapy room, I wonder if that’s the same for you.

When I was young, all the signs were there that I was a dyed in the wool Innie.

The Evidence.

If you have spent time around babies, perhaps you’ve noticed the Innie babies, gazing mid-air, seemingly somewhere deep inside the thoughts of their forming brains exploring themselves and how they feel. Meanwhile, their Outie counterpart is more likely deeply in the coos and babble of early conversation with the family dog, their favourite stuffed rabbit, their sibling or even their own foot!

The Outie simply adores a good chat and connection, connection, connection.

Clearly, they didn’t have these in my day.

As a baby, I was happy, content and undemanding, the perfect baby for a busy mum of three. So undemanding, I got left outside the occasional shop in my pram while Mum headed off home with her shopping. No biggie in those days to see prams outside the shops, and I wasn’t any worse for wear because of it. And now Mum’s absent-mindedness remains in family folklore that has us all falling about laughing when we remember it.

My lovely Lancashire mother wasn’t into too much introspection and would try and encourage me as I grew to be a little less of a thinker. Stop contemplating your navel Lois and get on with it. She’d say. Easier said than done to this Innie, where navel-gazing came as natural, or should I say as essential, to me as breathing

Mum wasn’t the only one who thought I should be getting on with it. I grew up with a genuinely huge gang of ready playmates, though I don’t remember us being so brightly dressed, nevertheless there was always someone to pull me out of my daydreams and drag me off to play.

But I knew when enough was enough for me, and I sneak off back home for some quiet time and recharge, while my Outie playmates, so exhilarated by the lovely social time they’d had, had to be tracked down by their mothers and marched off home at teatime, with much protesting and dragging their feet.

Maybe the clues are there in childhood. Did you sneak off home like me, or were your playtimes always cut off short?

I wonder if we are born a little more fixed in our natures and refine our abilities to wriggle up and down the bench as we mature. I enjoy being social; I want the challenge of public speaking; I think the role of Counsellor is the most rewarding work I have ever had. All of these options I take up in my life are not necessarily the easiest path that panders to my Innie vibe.

How do we uncover our nature with this long bench to wiggle on and ways of being that overlap?

Are you an Innie or Outie?

I think it’s all about how we recharge. I believe Outies have an inbuilt dynamo battery that powers their light; you know, the type fixed on pushbikes. The more distance they ride with the pack, the brighter their light shines, the closer they ride together, the more energy they save from slipstreaming.

On the other hand, Innies might, but not necessarily, enjoy the pack pace for a while but then revert to their preferred speed, stop and smell the flowers, and rely on returning to a quiet place to plug in and recharge the lights.

So how does the work of Counsellor stack up for those who sit more often on the Innie side of the bench.? Does it leave them drained and in need of a quiet socket to plug into when the client has gone?

I think about it like this. Maybe it’s your Innie traits that love to dive deeply into a book, an active reader that enters a form of relationship with the author, pondering the meaning and nuances of the text, whether that is fiction, philosophy, psychology or whatever. This pondering is a way of recharging our Innie selves, and it can be our most go-to restoration station.

Similarly, the Innie’s ability to immerse themselves in their client’s world, walk in their shoes, ponder their struggles is not a draining experience; this is not small talk. The very act of the Innies deep consideration is itself energising and restful, giving endurance and stamina – it is the superpower of the Innie side of our natures when we do this work.

So is it essential to know if we are an Innie or an Outie, mmm maybe? But more important is the knowledge about how and what we need to do to recharge.

Ask yourself, how do you recharge?

Is your preference is to head for the next meet-up to bathe in the warm embrace of your besties? Do you recharge by heading off to the tub for warm water and a bit of solitude? Then perhaps you have your answer.

Whichever it is Vive la difference!

With Love

Lois Marshall

Putting the kettle on at The Trusty Teapot

The Trusty Teapot creating a conversation bridge between Counsellors and Psychotherapist of all specialisms, cultures, genders, modalities, races and ages

The Trusty Teapot is a groundbreaking venture born of love and care for the profession. Have you ever thought about what it is those two words Fellowship and Camaraderie describe?

They are feelings, The feeling of Fellowship and the feeling of Camaraderie. They have underpinning feelings, these include;

If you decide to join, you can look forward to receiving details of all the other lovely Counsellors and Psychotherapists who are as keen to meet up for Fellowship and Camaraderie as you are.

May 17, 2021May 18, 2021

Counsellors – are you losing yourself in a 30-degree wash?

An exercise and habit helping you stay connected with yourself.

As counsellors, we sacrifice billions of neural connections to be with our clients during their most profound, most precious processing. Luckily, we probably have more than 100 trillion of those handy little mind maps going begging, so we can probably afford to be as generous with them as we are.

As counsellors, we tend, possibly more than most, to partition up our grey matter to accommodate all the experiences of our clients’ lives so they sit comfortably with our own.

In some ways, our headspace is like a grand old hotel with many rooms. A ballroom for the dance of concepts that is therapy, here our clients’ thoughts swirl with our own.

When therapy is over for the day – we retire above to the mindful mezzanine floor to take an overview of the dance floor and to interpret all the dance steps. We have rooms for each client, bespoke just for them. The rest of the hotel is also full. Family, friends and community have an equal say in the décor of their room in your head too.

We do have a suite of rooms for ourselves, but do we visit there often enough? Do we sometimes forget where our private rooms are? When we don’t retire to our space often enough – we don’t get to revisit those extraordinary things we store there, things that make it our own—those unique things that have shaped us and given us our greatest treasure, ourself.

And let’s not even get into redecorating!

OK, that’s enough with the metaphor.

So why is it, for our own sake, when we want to recall something, perhaps a quote, or maybe the title of a song that stole our breath away for a passing moment, we can’t remember it? The answer is, of course, that we too often rely on memory.

Relying on memory can be a fools comfort at the best of times, like putting a knot in the corner of your hanky

Do I hear you say, ‘Duh! That’s why we jot down notes.’

Yes, we do, with the good intention of finding these little notes later. When in reality, so many of these little gems are lost in the margin of some well-read book or go to the land of lost socks via the back pocket of your jeans in a vigorous 30-degree wash.

But these aren’t just socks or shopping lists; these notes, they are special, they are parts of you, parts that I strongly suggest you would do well to protect.

HEY, WE ARE MORE THAN OUR WORK!

Yes, I know you know that. Yes, I’m sorry for shouting. But sometimes we need reminding -we are a rich and complex breed, but that can be forgotten. We need to practice capturing the random, vibrant, creative, fleeting bits of ourselves that emerge in us every day, those precious jewels of thought and feeling that have bubbled up and surprised us, rather than let our thoughts disappear in the 30- degree wash of life.

What can you forget about yourself when you don’t make a note? Well, the answer to that is peculiar to you. But whatever you do forget, the cause is forgetting to remember yourself.

How can I help you remember yourself?

Do this now.

Recollect your first lovely kiss. I say lovely because the first one is not always the best. Pause a second and dig out that old memory, very old in my case.

Are you smiling?

Good, that means you just became fully present to you and smiled in recognition to your oldest friend. Yes, I mean yourself.

Having those memories, thoughts and ideas brought to mind brings you back to you, now do you see how so very valuable they are?

What else might we remember?

How about the times when you have been especially brave.
Past battles. How did you deal with them, what did you learn?
Film or book characters you were drawn to and have vowed to deep dive into the ‘why’ about that one day.
A colour or picture that sparks joy – you know a great spot for that when you get around to decorate.
What are your favourite balsams for your soul, your comfort blankets when things are tough?
What are your goals for your future, your work, your life?

You are, I believe, quite vulnerable to forgetting yourself, so if you want to keep that wonderful journey to ‘destination you’ fresh and vibrant, to know yourself, improve yourself, soothe and bring joy to yourself remember one thing.

Buy a beautiful notebook, larger than the back pocket of your jeans, just to be on the safe side, and make a note……

P.S. I won’t crush this idea with all the practical ways to organise your notebook. But a simple way begins by numbering the pages and creating an index page – you’ll probably be able to name a few sections to your notebook in the index immediately.

You’ll find there is plenty of room to add sections as it grows and evolves organically. Use some of the above section headings or your own. You’ll find it easy to quickly pop the thought in the right place where you can easily find it again.

Thanks for reading these little jottings I hope they get you thinking.

Best wishes and here’s to a bountiful memory.

With Love

Lois Marshall

Putting the kettle on at The Trusty Teapot

I hope you enjoyed this article. I hope you found it entertaining, useful and possibly something of a conversation starter. Of course, it would be good to discuss these things with a fellow Counsellor or Psychotherapist. But historically, we’ve not been that good at getting it together. And so The Trusty Teapot has opened its doors.

The Trusty Teapot creating a conversation bridge between Counsellors and Psychotherapist of all specialisms, cultures, genders, modalities, races and ages

The Trusty Teapot is a groundbreaking venture born of love and care for the profession. Have you ever thought about what it is those two words Fellowship and Camaraderie describe?

They are feelings, The feeling of Fellowship and the feeling of Camaraderie. They have underpinning feelings, these include;

Joy, Warmth, Connection, Thankfulness, Nurtured, Valuable, Understood, Cheerful, Stimulated, Informed, Playful, Generous, Energised, Serene, Daring, Responsive, friendliness, I could go on and on and on.

If you decide to join, you can look forward to receiving details of all the other lovely Counsellors and Psychotherapists who are as keen to meet up for Fellowship and Camaraderie as you are.

May 17, 2021May 17, 2021

Catching up with old Classmates – No Thanks! Following on from 5 Steps to end Professional Isolation and find more fellowships with your counselling colleagues.

Catching up with old classmates? No thanks!

If that’s your reaction to the prospect of meeting up with your old classmates then rest assured you are not alone – we could all be twins or at least cousins.

There is nothing quite like the journey of self-discovery that is undertaken by a counsellor in training. As we buy the expensive ticket for our next 2 or 3 years of study, we ponder on our experiences that have brought us to this station.

We feel triumphant (or is that smug) and why not? Hey, didn’t we survive our childhood without too many quirks, haven’t we climbed over or through our fair share of life’s obstacles, some the size of mountains and others more like never ending troughs of thick custard.

We’ve tunnelled through the dark times, and while doing all these feats of emotional endurance, we’ve simultaneously just lived the normal life, working (sometimes too hard) built a career, (succeeding and failing) and having relationships, (we won’t even go there). Plus, like everyone else, we try to take care of a body that sometimes takes us down like an unexpected rugby tackle. We wear our scars perhaps a little too proudly.

As we boldly board the train to training at the station platform designated, you believe, for those of us who are all evolved and sorted, we who are at our peak – all we need to solve the problems of others is the training. How wrong could we have been.

The whistle blows, and off we go, and just like in Agatha Christies ‘Death on the Orient Express’, the encounters in the carriage can be claustrophobic and tense, the air could sometimes be cut with an insensitive word, the tensions palpable, the fear of being questioned, to tell your story, the fear of the fear to keep it hidden. What will your silence say about you? What about the full and frank confession, if not to a crime, then at least to your many indiscretions.

The journey to qualification is paved with potholes of failure, owned up to, filed and smoothed over. There are of course the encounters that feel like a little murder and those that get off the train early unable to go on.

There are brilliant moments too, insights that could never be had we not been sitting with the other passengers, our fellow trainees, looking at them, looking at us, as we performed under the spotlight shining the light on our shortcomings.

We emerge from training transformed, smug no longer, we know our frailties, understand our faults and recognise that we are never to arrive, that we have signed up to the lifetime of learning just what it is to be us and to be useful along the way. So like disoriented passengers spilling into the natural light, we are more concerned with finding our way on the next leg of the journey than clinging on to our fellow passengers. Was it a whistle-stop journey? Yes, breath-stealing, invigorating and undeniably wonderful. Was it painfully slow? Yes, moments of torture and agony through all the carriages we shared with our fellow passengers and in the little bunks where we settle ourselves to sleep and make damp sponges of our pillows.

So yes – I have a foot the camp of ‘No Way’ when it comes to reunions. But the more I reflect about the journey with my fellow students the more I recognise what a privilege it was. For sure I remember less about their stories and more about the distance I travelled, and I’m sure it is the same for them. We were probably all feeling the same fears and insecurities and grappling with the struggle to show up, with the risk being judged. But we did it. We faced our fears and did it anyway. So why not seek out the people who witnessed that, who rooted for you, who empathised and showed compassion. Who might remember your words that made a difference to them on their journey?

Do you, like me, find something tantalising about the prospect of seeing your study buddies again, it could turn out to be the crock of gold at the journey’s end.

I was surprised to see how long ago I wrote this, 2019, This article and the previous 5 Ways to End Professional Isolation were my attempt to do a little something to help therapists make more connections with each other, and issue that had caught my attention. I thought I was done. And yet the problem continued to catch my eye, on social media I seemed attuned to the subtext from Counsellors and Psychotherapist, calling out for connection and fellowship. What I didn’t know then was that The Trusty Teapot was brewing away in my subconscious, ready to burst out and make itself an idea I just could not ignore….. If you have ever had that happen to you, you’ll know just what I mean. And so here we are…I hope you enjoy exploring the website and take steps to join us in this long overdue adventure.

July 16, 2020July 16, 2020

5 Steps to end professional isolation and feel more fellowship with your counselling colleagues

When I published this article last year little did I know that I would come up with step 6, a full-proof way to bring the fellowship of other therapists in Talking Therapies into your life.

I outline this 6th step in my latest article on here entitled Counsellors and Psychotherapists more at risk of Professional Isolation than any other profession? Please go and read it it could bring so much fellowship into your professional life.

Still the 5 steps are still valid so dive in to find out more.

What is professional loneliness or isolation. It would be wrong to assume that professional loneliness just relates to spending too little time with friends who happen to be in the same profession as you; the problem is much more complex than that.

There is much we miss in our professional life when we miss out on contact with our peers.

Specialists in a range of professions have concerns about their lack of communication and collaboration.

Counselling Professionals maybe experience it more than most, missing not just the fellowship and camaraderie, but also giving and receiving support and spending time with people who ‘get’ what it is we do during our day.

In addition to the missed fellowship, we are likely to be missing out on shared information and perspective too, the so-called hive brain.

Problems of professional loneliness are being highlighted amongst Surgeons and Doctors and other professionals driven in part by the lack of opportunities to get together with colleagues in a way that they used to.

In April 2019 the British Medical Council said that Doctors were being affected by a lack of camaraderie in their working lives.

The traditional doctor’s only mess, a place for Doctors to recharge and share experiences and gain support has, by all accounts been in decline.

More commonly, doctors are grabbing a lunchtime sandwich at their desks and working through their case notes rather than meeting up with fellow medics and sharing the highs, lows and experiences that add to their knowledge base and provide shared camaraderie and support when needed.

Sounds like the normal routine for those of us in the Counselling Professions!

As counsellors we have, most likely, felt some degree of isolation ever since we started training, In those early days as we are buzzing after our exciting days at study and start recounting the days learned theory to our friends and loved ones,. Its not long before we see the shutters of interest firmly closing.

Equally they get a little hacked off when we start to live and breathe our newly found counselling skills, relating empathically at full power anytime, anyplace, and even to anyone unfortunate enough to even ask us the time Eventually we get the message to turn the volume down.

Of course, while in training, we had our study buddies around us and so potentially this masked the full effect of what the high degree of confidentiality we offer our clients will mean.

When we qualify, waving goodbye to our fellow students and tutors, and step out into the world to practice, is when the isolating nature of the work can come into focus.

Fully absorbing the requirements of confidentiality is when we realise for most of our working lives, as counsellors, we are the faithful silent repositories of our client ‘stuff’.

While Doctors must be aware of confidentiality; they can discuss to their hearts content the internal workings of their patients’ liver without fear of someone else being able to recognise the owner of that particular organ from its description. Providing Doctors don’t tag a name or other obvious identifying details to the liver, then they can almost guarantee they will never come a cropper of the confidentiality requirements they are bound by. It would seem their only boundaries to talking about their, sometimes gruesome, work is having a willing audience, and if not, then at least a captive one.

Markedly, the same is not true for counsellors when they want to discuss the nuances of their work. The reason is that the ‘stuff’ of our clients’ emotional world is made up of the history and reflections of their external world, and we are fully aware any detail of which has the potential to signpost the identity of your client. Sharing feels like a minefield and who wants to face a disciplinary for breaking the counsellor/client contract? Is it any wonder you feel it is easier to never talk about your clients and their inseparable content, unless of course you are in the safe environment of the supervision room when you have the client’s agreement?

I am sure we are all thankful for our one-to-one supervision, but is it enough? Plus, of course, it has a cost and that limits most of us to a set number of hours per month. Also, we tend to stick with one supervisor that we ‘gel’ with. This means we are limited to one person’s perspective and the limits to learning that can bring.

So here they are your 5 Steps to end professional isolation and feel more fellowship with your counselling colleagues.

Keep in contact with your fellow trainees, yes that sounds pretty obvious, but I think we would all be amazed at the number of people who leave training and fellow trainees behind them and never look back. When we do think back, we might cringe at how naive we were, or that we revealed something in the dreaded personal development classes, that we wished we kept to ourselves. But try and brush that aside and look up those colleagues. Remember that you were all in the same boat back then, and the rewards of rekindling those friendships and acquaintances can be both joyful and meaningful. And if it’s not – your able to handle that right?
Look for opportunities to join a group supervision and amend your contract to cover this extra venue to your confidentiality clauses. Usually there are not more than 10 in the group and meet monthly. Giving 3 cases the chance to be shared per meetup. Just make sure the facilitator or any stand-ins are qualified counsellors, preferably supervisors or have a wealth of group facilitators training.
Think about joining or even starting a book club focused on looking at counselling theory books. Here there is no training required. Join an existing group or if there isn’t one – start your own. What a great way to share and learn while keeping the all-important theory fresh and vibrant in your mind.
Join one or more of the Facebook counselling groups, the discussion on theory and shared knowledge on running your own private practice or even managing your place within an organisation can be both informative and lively.
Finally think about mixing up your supervision a bit. If we think about our friendships, we often have several friends with different qualities that we would go to depending on what we were looking for. The blessing of the introverted one – great listeners, insightful and understanding, the one to cheer you up, the one who motivates or has the practical solution. They say no one person can be all things to all people – and the same might be true of supervisors. Could you share your supervision hours around a bit?

Remember united we stand – and divided we miss out on all of the good company that will enrich us.

Update – There is a step 6 that knocks spots of the first five, read more about it in the latest article …..

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