An exercise and habit helping you stay connected with yourself.
As counsellors, we sacrifice billions of neural connections to be with our clients during their most profound, most precious processing. Luckily, we probably have more than 100 trillion of those handy little mind maps going begging, so we can probably afford to be as generous with them as we are.
As counsellors, we tend, possibly more than most, to partition up our grey matter to accommodate all the experiences of our clients’ lives so they sit comfortably with our own.
In some ways, our headspace is like a grand old hotel with many rooms. A ballroom for the dance of concepts that is therapy, here our clients’ thoughts swirl with our own.
When therapy is over for the day – we retire above to the mindful mezzanine floor to take an overview of the dance floor and to interpret all the dance steps. We have rooms for each client, bespoke just for them. The rest of the hotel is also full. Family, friends and community have an equal say in the décor of their room in your head too.
We do have a suite of rooms for ourselves, but do we visit there often enough? Do we sometimes forget where our private rooms are? When we don’t retire to our space often enough – we don’t get to revisit those extraordinary things we store there, things that make it our own—those unique things that have shaped us and given us our greatest treasure, ourself.
And let’s not even get into redecorating!
OK, that’s enough with the metaphor.
So why is it, for our own sake, when we want to recall something, perhaps a quote, or maybe the title of a song that stole our breath away for a passing moment, we can’t remember it? The answer is, of course, that we too often rely on memory.
Relying on memory can be a fools comfort at the best of times, like putting a knot in the corner of your hanky
Do I hear you say, ‘Duh! That’s why we jot down notes.’
Yes, we do, with the good intention of finding these little notes later. When in reality, so many of these little gems are lost in the margin of some well-read book or go to the land of lost socks via the back pocket of your jeans in a vigorous 30-degree wash.
But these aren’t just socks or shopping lists; these notes, they are special, they are parts of you, parts that I strongly suggest you would do well to protect.
HEY, WE ARE MORE THAN OUR WORK!
Yes, I know you know that. Yes, I’m sorry for shouting. But sometimes we need reminding -we are a rich and complex breed, but that can be forgotten. We need to practice capturing the random, vibrant, creative, fleeting bits of ourselves that emerge in us every day, those precious jewels of thought and feeling that have bubbled up and surprised us, rather than let our thoughts disappear in the 30- degree wash of life.
What can you forget about yourself when you don’t make a note? Well, the answer to that is peculiar to you. But whatever you do forget, the cause is forgetting to remember yourself.
How can I help you remember yourself?
Do this now.
Recollect your first lovely kiss. I say lovely because the first one is not always the best. Pause a second and dig out that old memory, very old in my case.
Are you smiling?
Good, that means you just became fully present to you and smiled in recognition to your oldest friend. Yes, I mean yourself.
Having those memories, thoughts and ideas brought to mind brings you back to you, now do you see how so very valuable they are?
What else might we remember?
- How about the times when you have been especially brave.
- Past battles. How did you deal with them, what did you learn?
- Film or book characters you were drawn to and have vowed to deep dive into the ‘why’ about that one day.
- A colour or picture that sparks joy – you know a great spot for that when you get around to decorate.
- What are your favourite balsams for your soul, your comfort blankets when things are tough?
- What are your goals for your future, your work, your life?
You are, I believe, quite vulnerable to forgetting yourself, so if you want to keep that wonderful journey to ‘destination you’ fresh and vibrant, to know yourself, improve yourself, soothe and bring joy to yourself remember one thing.
Buy a beautiful notebook, larger than the back pocket of your jeans, just to be on the safe side, and make a note……
P.S. I won’t crush this idea with all the practical ways to organise your notebook. But a simple way begins by numbering the pages and creating an index page – you’ll probably be able to name a few sections to your notebook in the index immediately.
You’ll find there is plenty of room to add sections as it grows and evolves organically. Use some of the above section headings or your own. You’ll find it easy to quickly pop the thought in the right place where you can easily find it again.
Thanks for reading these little jottings I hope they get you thinking.
Best wishes and here’s to a bountiful memory.
With Love
Lois Marshall
Putting the kettle on at The Trusty Teapot
I hope you enjoyed this article. I hope you found it entertaining, useful and possibly something of a conversation starter. Of course, it would be good to discuss these things with a fellow Counsellor or Psychotherapist. But historically, we’ve not been that good at getting it together. And so The Trusty Teapot has opened its doors.
The Trusty Teapot creating a conversation bridge between Counsellors and Psychotherapist of all specialisms, cultures, genders, modalities, races and ages
The Trusty Teapot is a groundbreaking venture born of love and care for the profession. Have you ever thought about what it is those two words Fellowship and Camaraderie describe?
They are feelings, The feeling of Fellowship and the feeling of Camaraderie. They have underpinning feelings, these include;
Joy, Warmth, Connection, Thankfulness, Nurtured, Valuable, Understood, Cheerful, Stimulated, Informed, Playful, Generous, Energised, Serene, Daring, Responsive, friendliness, I could go on and on and on.
If you decide to join, you can look forward to receiving details of all the other lovely Counsellors and Psychotherapists who are as keen to meet up for Fellowship and Camaraderie as you are.
Sign up to the mailing list below and I will personally send you further details how to join us.